The Quite Nerdy Blog

Transformers 5 is a pretty bad film yet somehow, is not close to being the worst of the franchise. In fact, after watching this film, I'd like to retroactively change my rating for the last film because that film was genuinely awful whereas this one is just kind of depressing at how little is happening in an action film. I usually talk about the plot at this point but as I write this it's been less than 24 hours since I saw it and I don't remember any big details at all. Optimus Prime has gone bad because he's been possessed, the government have decided that the only way to stop him is to team up with the Decepticons and then Mark Wahlberg has to team up with Anthony Hopkins and replaceable hot chick (no longer related to Marky Mark) to do something with some thing from Arthurian times which was apparently 1600 years ago. It's a sprawling mess where a lot happens yet nothing really seems to happen. In fact, the only notable thing I remember is how Shia LaBo...

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh The Mummy is surely the blockbuster event of the year, one so beloved and adored already that I know I can talk spoilers because who hasn't seen this masterpiece already? Tom Cruise heads to Somewhere, The Middle East in order to get some shit he can steal and sell. However, he is unable to do so when some lady he had sex with before the film says that "they" need to take this. Before "they" are able to get it back to England though, a curse happens and Tom Cruise dies in the plane. Thing is, he's not dead, he's a slave to The Mummy who wants to bang him and make him God of Death/Gerard Butler's character from Gods of Egypt. Russel Crowe decides to help by expositioning at him. Oh, forgot to mention, Russel is playing Dr Jekyl (with an odd British accent) and Mr Hyde (with a laughably preposterous British accent). Anyway, Tom becomes Death, doesn't quite kill The Mummy because she may come in handy in a later film and se...

Wonder Woman is legitimately great and you should just go see it now. That unfortunately doesn't compromise a review so I'll go into more detail. This film is an origin story, set about 100 years before Batman V Superman, the first film in which Wonder Woman appeared. It charts her journey from the island where she grew up and onto the frontlines of World War One, attempting to find and kill Ares, the God of War. As an origin story, it goes over some familiar beats and there was one twist I saw coming instantly but in fairness, there was also one twist that I didn't see coming at all. The story isn't amazing but it manages to wrap up some surprisingly warm emotions in there that makes it feel largely fresh, with hints of "been there, done that". As far as acting goes, the film rests heavily on the shoulders of lead actress Gal Gadot and she is pretty great in this role. She has the right amount of charisma (more so than the allegedly charismatic Superman...

Baywatch is... It's tricky. My love for The Rock is well known and powerful and at this point, I will go and see just about anything he does. Plus, I love the Jump Street movies, self-aware remakes of a cheesy show from the nineties. On paper, this film should be a complete win but it isn't that simple, even if the jokes are. I'll start with the plot which I shouldn't have to focus on with a comedy, but here we are. Dwayne Johnson and a few women who are there to look attractive are the lifeguards on a beach and they have some recruiting trials for new lifeguards. One such recruit who they are forced to take in is Zac Efron as an asshole swimmer with two gold medals and righteous abs. They all have to work together to work out some kind of drug problem that's leading to a lot of dead bodies turning up on the beach. The plot is there and it's never sure if it's just a vehicle for jokes or wants to actually be taken seriously so it ends up as a clunky mix ...

I do not like the Pirates of the Caribbean films at all so instead of dignifying them with a review, I am talking about something I hate more than that franchise: the star, Johnny Depp. Not only is the man highly overrated as an actor, he is also actually a horrible human being and I want to vent my hatred for him making me sit through another Pirates film. So prepare for seven entries that describe why I hate Johnny Depp although I will first preface this by saying I am not an expert on the man. I have seen a decent selection of his films and will be informing my opinions based on that. 7. The last good film he was in was 21 Jump Street As I said, I don't profess to be an expert on the man but if you try and think of the last enjoyable film you saw that had Johnny Depp in it, you're probably going to struggle being more recent than his cameo in 21 Jump Street, a film from five years ago. The cameo was brief, sure, but it was entertaining, as the actor showed a level of...

I have been talking for what feels like years about how 2017 is going to be an amazing year for films and while we aren't quite halfway through it yet, I already feel like we have a stronger selection of films to show for. First of all, I'm going to clarify that I am talking about UK release dates which means I get to talk about the slew of films from this years Oscars. When talking about the Oscars this year, I of course have to mention the Best Picture fiasco. I know many people are incredibly embarrassed by the whole thing but honestly, I think it was hilarious and probably the most interesting thing to happen at the ceremony in my lifetime and that in itself should be something to celebrate. Aside from that, it proved to be one of the strongest line ups of contenders ever. My love for La La Land is well known but now is also a time to celebrate those other superb Oscar films that we've had in 2017. There was *deep breath* Hacksaw Ridge, Moonlight, Manchester by the...

I'm going to open by saying that I am not a die hard fan of the Alien franchise, I have only seen the first film (loved) and played an hour of Aliens: Colonial Marines (loved laughing at) but I do have some knowledge of Prometheus, something that is needed going into this film. Anyway, it is the story of a colonisation ship where the crew wake up too early and decide to go to a nearby planet that appears perfect, instead of going to the one they've planned too. This is an Alien film though so it's not going to end well and it certainly doesn't. The plot is fairly interesting and deals with some exciting films in enjoyable ways, although it doesn't entirely make sense and leaves multiple loose ends hanging. As for smaller scale details though, this film embraces many horror tropes. Do you ever get frustrated at bad decisions characters make? Be prepared to shout. Do you like seeing attractive couples have sex? Be prepared to watch them die. Do you love to have th...