Review - Hobbs and Shaw

It's finally here: my review of what is, I am almost certain of, the most anticipated film in the history of the art of cinema (emphasis on art for obvious reasons). Yes, Hobbs and Shaw (or Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw to give it its full title) has finally graced our screens and I could not be happier. I want you to know that I am going to maintain my journalistic integrity  whatever bloggers have instead of journalistic integrity and attempt to fairly review this film without letting my giddy joy take over me. So with that said, let us try and discuss, with a critical eye, the plot of Hobbs and Shaw. Hattie Shaw (sister of the titular Shaw) is part of some spy team, I forget which, where she has to steal a virus from Brixton, AKA "Black Superman". In running away, she decides to inject herself with the virus, meaning that Luke R Hobbs (yes, we find out what the R stands for) and Deckard Shaw must team up to get the virus out of her before it melts into her blood stream, kills her and spreads to destroy most of the planet. So yeah, it's another "quickly, do the thing before the ticking clock runs out and the world dies" plot and you know what, that is totally fine. The plot is a clothesline for this film to hang sweaty tanktops and action scenes from and if I'm being honest, I would have been let down if the plot wasn't absurdly high stakes. It is exactly what it's meant to be.

The performances I feel like I can at least talk about without getting snarky or trying to trip myself up with critical talk because our two leads, Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham, are absolute charisma machines. I've been a fan of Dwayne Johnson for a while and I've seen every one of his films since Central Intelligence in the cinema because even when his films are kinda bad (see Skyscraper), he brings a level of enjoyability to it. This film is no exception. His on screen verbal sparring partner here, Statham, has a same level of personal legend to me. Last year, he ate up the screen in The Meg and since then, I've also sampled his absolutely bat shit work in the Crank films. He's an action star who does best when in very ridiculous scenarios and it doesn't get much more ridiculous than some of the stuff in this film. Their foil is the wonderful Idris Elba who rarely dips into action cinema, although if his work here is anything to go by, he should dip his toes in more often. He does what all the best villains in this franchise have done (including Statham himself once upon a time) which is to chew the scenery like it's made of gum, tossing out one liners like they're bombs to dispose of and just look like a badass the whole time. It isn't all a testosterone fest though, Vanessa Kirby is also here as token lady character. She's not bad by any means, and she gets plenty of fun moments, it's just clear that the makers of these films don't have the largest amount of love for strong female characters. That all seems to be largely in jest, so I don't hold it against the film too much though. There are plenty of actors who pop up in this film who have been hidden by the marketing so I'm going to respect the film and keep that a secret, although I do feel like two people who pop up start to slow the pace down with their needless improv scenes.

No one really cares about anything I've written so far though, what you really want to know is if this action movie has action that is any good, to which the answer is... not that easy. Let's break that down by comparing this film to another action film from this year, John Wick Chapter 3. In that film, the action is meticulously choreographed to within an each of its life (and death), to the point where you feel every punch and kick. Sometimes it's comical, sure, but it is more often than not absolutely exhausting, because of how brilliantly it is done. Hobbs and Shaw is most definitely not that. It is the kind of action where you imagine the scenes being thought up by five screenwriters who were locked in a room by some producers, with nothing but Red Bull, cocaine and a lot of whiteboards, until they could conceive of the kind of set-pieces that, to the non cocaine and Red Bull addled mind, are inconceivable. And I love that. Both me and Ethan, the friend I dragged to see this, spent all of the action scenes giggling or laughing hysterically. Even outside of action, the tone was set in a scene where Jason Statham is at a fashion show and the camera legitimately swoops around a model's butt, because of course it did. This is the kind of movie that is actively moronic and I would be kidding myself if I didn't say that I had a gigantic shit eating grin on my face for all the action. Most of the bits between the action are either cheesy sparring or schmaltzy family talk and they're super hit or miss, but it was always worth staying in my seat to see what level of insanity the action would go to next.

Is Hobbs and Shaw everything I wanted it to be? Of course it was. I wasn't expecting a film with a deep plot, complex characters to fall in love with or to leave with a real sense of pathos. I came to this film to see The Rock and Jason Statham punch shit, chase shit and blow shit up and on that front, this film is a total success. The rating I'm about to give this may seem low but believe me, if what I've been describing sounds like your kind of thing, you will love it. So I give Hobbs and Shaw a

I'm kidding, it's obviously a 10/10 but only you, the true fan, can know that. Tell no one, take this secret to your grave. Keeping this secret will make you even sexier than you already are so keep it up xoxo