Review - Skyscraper

Welcome to my review of Skyscraper, a film I really saw and got really drunk during. The problem is that we're a couple of days later and I am currently completely sober (whether my flatmates believe me or not) so any enthusiasm I had is going to have completely faded. Still, I'll do my best to capture the magical process that I experienced as I watched this laughable film. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plays an everyman who happens to look superhuman because he's The Rock, a man who is missing a leg and is doing security work on the tallest building in the world. Terrorists turn up which means our everyman hero has to make absurdly improbable jumps, punch people and, most importantly, tell them that "Daddy's gotta go to work". If that plot sounds familiar, it's because it's essentially a clumsy cocktail of Die Hard and every Dwayne Johnson action film. There are many problems that spring from that that I'll get to later but the most relevant drawback currently is that it means every element of the plot is very predictable. I made a couple of predictions in my head about five minutes into the film and would you believe it, almost all of them were right. Still, no one's expecting something groundbreaking in the plot department here, we want good action and the film at least delivers that, right? Yeah, about that.

Before we get to the action, there are people in this movie and that means that technically they give performances in this film so I am contractually obliged to discuss that but I'll break down the supporting cast first as I have a lot to say about Mr The Rock. Neve Campbell is the wife character. She gives as gripping a performance as she does in House of Cards which is not praise. Noah Taylor, who's definitely in more than you remember, pops up for a bit and he's wasted here. Other than that, everyone else is pure cardboard, barely there. The star is really The Rock though and in a way, that's the problem. Don't get me wrong, I do love him and there are plenty of his films I'll come to bat for, even this years Rampage. It's just that here, he is meant to be an everyman and it is impossible to believe that someone who looks as superhuman as The Rock is just like us. Die Hard works so well because John McClaine is a real human, vulnerable, at risk at every moment. You can blow as many limbs off The Rock as you want, I will never believe he is anywhere near human levels of normal. I love the man to bits, he's just not a character I ever truly feared for.

You may have picked this up by my references to it earlier or that big ol' reference of a poster at the top but Skyscraper has been comparing itself a lot to Die Hard, which should have been a good thing but carries a lot of baggage. Pitching a film to me as "Die Hard with The Rock" is initially a smart move because I love both of those things but it draws comparisons that the film cannot hold up. First, I'll just say that it's not even as good as some of the other lovable trash The Rock puts out, such as the delightfully dumb Rampage earlier this year. That's nothing compared to how much it pales in comparison to Die Hard however. Sure, it works at getting me into the cinema but when you're comparing yourself to a perfect film, you're setting yourself up for failure. All you have to do is compare the way Die Hard sets up things that pay off later in the film to the way Skyscraper clumsily sets things up and the problems are colossal. With this all said, if you get a group of friends together, all get suitably drunk and watch the film, you could have a brilliant time.

On paper, I can't recommend Skyscraper because it is just too stupid. The Rock lacks his usual charisma, the effects are bad and you never feel any true investment in the film. As I said earlier though, there's a stupid, stupid joy you can find in the right state of mind so while not a film you need to see in cinemas, it's perfect for a bad film night. Critically however, it is a pretty poor film so I have to give the film a