The Quite Nerdy Blog

Transformers 5 is a pretty bad film yet somehow, is not close to being the worst of the franchise. In fact, after watching this film, I'd like to retroactively change my rating for the last film because that film was genuinely awful whereas this one is just kind of depressing at how little is happening in an action film. I usually talk about the plot at this point but as I write this it's been less than 24 hours since I saw it and I don't remember any big details at all. Optimus Prime has gone bad because he's been possessed, the government have decided that the only way to stop him is to team up with the Decepticons and then Mark Wahlberg has to team up with Anthony Hopkins and replaceable hot chick (no longer related to Marky Mark) to do something with some thing from Arthurian times which was apparently 1600 years ago. It's a sprawling mess where a lot happens yet nothing really seems to happen. In fact, the only notable thing I remember is how Shia LaBo...

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh The Mummy is surely the blockbuster event of the year, one so beloved and adored already that I know I can talk spoilers because who hasn't seen this masterpiece already? Tom Cruise heads to Somewhere, The Middle East in order to get some shit he can steal and sell. However, he is unable to do so when some lady he had sex with before the film says that "they" need to take this. Before "they" are able to get it back to England though, a curse happens and Tom Cruise dies in the plane. Thing is, he's not dead, he's a slave to The Mummy who wants to bang him and make him God of Death/Gerard Butler's character from Gods of Egypt. Russel Crowe decides to help by expositioning at him. Oh, forgot to mention, Russel is playing Dr Jekyl (with an odd British accent) and Mr Hyde (with a laughably preposterous British accent). Anyway, Tom becomes Death, doesn't quite kill The Mummy because she may come in handy in a later film and se...

Wonder Woman is legitimately great and you should just go see it now. That unfortunately doesn't compromise a review so I'll go into more detail. This film is an origin story, set about 100 years before Batman V Superman, the first film in which Wonder Woman appeared. It charts her journey from the island where she grew up and onto the frontlines of World War One, attempting to find and kill Ares, the God of War. As an origin story, it goes over some familiar beats and there was one twist I saw coming instantly but in fairness, there was also one twist that I didn't see coming at all. The story isn't amazing but it manages to wrap up some surprisingly warm emotions in there that makes it feel largely fresh, with hints of "been there, done that". As far as acting goes, the film rests heavily on the shoulders of lead actress Gal Gadot and she is pretty great in this role. She has the right amount of charisma (more so than the allegedly charismatic Superman...

Baywatch is... It's tricky. My love for The Rock is well known and powerful and at this point, I will go and see just about anything he does. Plus, I love the Jump Street movies, self-aware remakes of a cheesy show from the nineties. On paper, this film should be a complete win but it isn't that simple, even if the jokes are. I'll start with the plot which I shouldn't have to focus on with a comedy, but here we are. Dwayne Johnson and a few women who are there to look attractive are the lifeguards on a beach and they have some recruiting trials for new lifeguards. One such recruit who they are forced to take in is Zac Efron as an asshole swimmer with two gold medals and righteous abs. They all have to work together to work out some kind of drug problem that's leading to a lot of dead bodies turning up on the beach. The plot is there and it's never sure if it's just a vehicle for jokes or wants to actually be taken seriously so it ends up as a clunky mix ...