The Quite Nerdy Blog

With fair warning, this could be less of a review than a glimpse into the descent into madness I suffered a few days ago but hey, let's see what happens by the end. Before I start, let me explain to you why I even watched this film. I'm in the middle of a last minute dash to watch a bunch of stuff for my best of the year list (coming next Tuesday) and I've also dedicated the last couple of days watching Christmas films because hey, even I love Christmas. This film, Christmas Wedding Planner, fit the bill of both, was on Netflix and I'd also heard it was bad in a really fun way so I though "what the hell" and put it on. Ninety minutes later, I emerged a different man. What I had just seen was kind of incredibly bad and it was hard to comprehend everything. In fact, five minutes in, I realised I needed to write a blog post on it and starting making notes to try and hold. I've also realised that just explaining why I even approached this film has taken u...

This week, we've had two big superhero film releases and man... They're both pretty unforgettable, although in completely different ways. I have some pessimistic views on which will perform better and feel pretty strongly that it's going to be the one that makes the most money won't deserve it but the cart is coming before the horse, let's review these movies. Aquaman is the newest DC film which already puts it on shaky ground considering what a weak track record franchise that has and it's also a story about the silliest well known superhero, Fish Boy/Aquaman. His story is one which is basically reverse Black Panther with a splash of Shape of Water, in which his mum (Fish Queen Nicole Kidman) ends up falling in love with and shagging a lighthouse keeper and producing Jason Momoa, heir to the fish throne. He is to head back to Atlantis to try and stop his evil brother from waging war on the humans and to do so, he kinda travels around the world and does som...

I appreciate that a lot of my posts can be cynical and miserable but seriously, try not to get angry at me for this one and bear with me a bit because if you ignore me (and this absolutely isn't hyperbole) cinema may change for the worse. Disney have been on a trend recently (that I'm certain even the least cinephilic of you will have noticed) of remaking beloved animated films in live action form and for them, it's worked out brilliantly. Mostly, they've been well reviewed but they've been absolutely huge box office draws with Alice in Wonderland, The Jungle Book and Beauty and the Beast all making around $1 billion each. Which I hate. I adore cinema and it doesn't always give me delight to be angry about them but this trend really worries me and it is only getting worse with four remakes coming out next year alone. Remakes alone aren't always bad (you're reading a blog by a guy who prefers the Suspiria remake to the original for God's sake) but...

Robin Hood (2018) is a telling of the Robin Hood story in 2018 and as literally everyone predicted, it is bad. Am I done yet? No? Fine, I'll talk more. We all know the story of Robin Hood because it's a pretty big part of British mythology and, ya know, it's had roughly 2 million films made about it in the last fifty years. The important thing though is that none of that matters because, as the film tells us, we should "forget everything you think you know about this story", the irony being that I am forgetting everything about this film. Robin of Loxley is a Lord in Nottingham who enjoys repeatedly kissing Marian on the lips while cameras spin around him. His life of luxury and playground pecking is brought to a close however when he is enlisted in the Third Crusade and has to go to what I swear isn't a war zone in Iraq. When he comes back, everyone thinks he's dead and so he has to go rob from the nasty Sheriff or something. Marian has a new beau, Fr...