The Quite Nerdy Blog

I do not like the Pirates of the Caribbean films at all so instead of dignifying them with a review, I am talking about something I hate more than that franchise: the star, Johnny Depp. Not only is the man highly overrated as an actor, he is also actually a horrible human being and I want to vent my hatred for him making me sit through another Pirates film. So prepare for seven entries that describe why I hate Johnny Depp although I will first preface this by saying I am not an expert on the man. I have seen a decent selection of his films and will be informing my opinions based on that. 7. The last good film he was in was 21 Jump Street As I said, I don't profess to be an expert on the man but if you try and think of the last enjoyable film you saw that had Johnny Depp in it, you're probably going to struggle being more recent than his cameo in 21 Jump Street, a film from five years ago. The cameo was brief, sure, but it was entertaining, as the actor showed a level of...

I have been talking for what feels like years about how 2017 is going to be an amazing year for films and while we aren't quite halfway through it yet, I already feel like we have a stronger selection of films to show for. First of all, I'm going to clarify that I am talking about UK release dates which means I get to talk about the slew of films from this years Oscars. When talking about the Oscars this year, I of course have to mention the Best Picture fiasco. I know many people are incredibly embarrassed by the whole thing but honestly, I think it was hilarious and probably the most interesting thing to happen at the ceremony in my lifetime and that in itself should be something to celebrate. Aside from that, it proved to be one of the strongest line ups of contenders ever. My love for La La Land is well known but now is also a time to celebrate those other superb Oscar films that we've had in 2017. There was *deep breath* Hacksaw Ridge, Moonlight, Manchester by the...

I'm going to open by saying that I am not a die hard fan of the Alien franchise, I have only seen the first film (loved) and played an hour of Aliens: Colonial Marines (loved laughing at) but I do have some knowledge of Prometheus, something that is needed going into this film. Anyway, it is the story of a colonisation ship where the crew wake up too early and decide to go to a nearby planet that appears perfect, instead of going to the one they've planned too. This is an Alien film though so it's not going to end well and it certainly doesn't. The plot is fairly interesting and deals with some exciting films in enjoyable ways, although it doesn't entirely make sense and leaves multiple loose ends hanging. As for smaller scale details though, this film embraces many horror tropes. Do you ever get frustrated at bad decisions characters make? Be prepared to shout. Do you like seeing attractive couples have sex? Be prepared to watch them die. Do you love to have th...

Alien: Covenant comes out this week and seems to be going back to the roots of the original with a thriller deeply rooted in body horror. Yes, that's right, the original Alien is a thriller. There are moments of horror, sure, but for most of the film, it is about keeping you on the edge of your seat and that's what I want to celebrate here. To clarify, I am doing my ranking here based on the intensity of the films, not how much I like them, so while I love films like Psycho and Ex Machina, they don't deliver enough thrills for me to make the cut. 7. Alien We start with the one that inspired this post and also inspired countless filmmakers. It works essentially on premise alone as a helpless crew are stuck in space and hunted down by a creature that can blend in with the architecture of the ship and kill in a second. Of course, the bit that everyone remembers is the chest burster scene and deservedly so. It is still an impressive display of practical effects today alth...

Most people agree, the first Guardians of the Galaxy was a surprise delight that enchanted critics and audiences and so a sequel was as inevitable as it was exciting. It doesn't quite measure up to the thrills of the first but lets break down why gradually and with as little pain as possible to die-hard Marvel fans. The plot seems like a good place to start, although it isn't particularly important to the film. The plot is essentially family. Like, everything is about family, in a way that shames Fast and Furious 8. Star Lord meets his long lost father and they play catch for a bit on his planet that is also him (it's a comic book movie, suspend your disbelief). Meanwhile, Gamora and Nebula are having a sisterly spat and Rocket and Groot team up with Yondu. The various strands come together towards the end for a great finale, although it feels odd to spend two thirds of the film splitting up the ensemble of the ensemble comedy. As I mentioned though, it is an ensemble...