Review - Mile 22

You know, I've seen a lot of bad Mark Whalberg films in my time and every time I feel like giving up on him, I find a film that restores my faith in him. He's still running on a lot of goodwill from when I watched Boogie Nights a year ago (an incredible film even not by Whalberg standards) and so here we are, watching Mile 22, his newest, impressively miserable endeavour. The plot at least should be simple enough, with a team of secret soldiers having to escort a double agent 22 miles (get it?) in order to receive some super secret information he has. It's an enticingly simple setup but it's constantly confused with twists, character deaths and needless tie ins to the cold open that most of the audience will have forgotten almost instantly. Sadly, the plot is probably the best bit of this miserable nightmare.

Almost all the cast are an absolute waste here too so let's drudge through this shit heap. Lauren Cohan is one of the two token action women and she was in The Walking Dead but she was on after I stopped watching it so I can't even say if her performances line up. She was on Chuck for a few episodes and I remember her being hot but dramatically unremarkable and that's basically what she brings to Mile 22. MMA star turned pro wrestler Ronda Rousey is here and does the thing she does best which is look like she could beat the shit out of me if I said anything bad, so I won't comment on her bland acting style. John Malkovich plays the "eye in the sky" kinda guy and brings nothing to the role which is so disarming after watching Being John Malkovich for the first time recently where he is working on a whole other level. There's two real action stars though, one of whom is Iko Uwais from The Raid franchise. Far and away, he is the best actor and maybe even the single best part of this film as he has an incredible physicality that he uses to kick the shit out of everyone. Unfortunately, this is blasted in the kneecaps by the god awful editing, wasting a genuine action star talent, but I'll get to that in a bit. Star of the film though is Mark Whalberg as "OH MY GOD, WHY DOES MARK WHALBERG KEEP GETTING ACTION FILMS?". In this film, his little quirk is that he has a mental problem and has to keep flicking a rubber band on his arm to keep his mind focused. HE'S JUST THAT SMART, ISN'T HE SMART? Every single thing about his performance seemed to be tuned in to his performance from the Transformers films where he famously proves how smart he is by shouting "I'm an inventor, it's what I do. I invent things". Whalberg is on the posters, making this his film and the best thing you can say is that it certainly is a Mark Whalberg film. You know what you're getting and it's as bad as you're expecting.

I've been dodging and diving around the main issue for a while and you've probably picked up on it but the editing here is atrocious. Like, easily the worst editing I've seen since Transformers 5, although Mile 22 at least has the dignity to keep the same aspect ratio throughout. There's not an easy way to explain it through a blog, only a video essay will accurately convey the pain but I'll try and use a lil' hyperbole to get close. Famously, there's an exercise they teach in film classes where, in order to understand how cuts try and hide, you snap your fingers every time there's a cut on screen. If you attempted to do that through even the first ten minutes of Mile 22, your fingers would disintegrate. This is all so frustrating because if you're shooting action scenes, they are most effective when you show action and consequence in the same shot i.e. if someone punches, you should show the punch hitting in the same shot. Often this is done when actors aren't talented enough to pull off fake punches but this is a cast which includes an MMA fighter and the star of The Raid, they know how to fight. SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CUTTING AWAY FROM THE ACTION? If you know film talk like this, you'll be annoyed but if you aren't as nerdy about it as me (an understandable position), just wait until you can watch clips online. It's atrocious.

The one plus side about this film coming out when it did is it means The Predator is no longer the worst film I've seen in cinemas this year. Everything else is downsides, I just wish I hadn't seen this film. Sure, it isn't the worst film Mark Whalberg has done in the last five years but that is a low bar to clear and I cannot recommend the film at all. You know what Mile 22? Say hi to your mother from me, and while you're leaving, take this score of a